09 October 2013

Seeking motivation

35 pounds. Gone.
For the first time, I've managed to really maintain my weight. Sure, I have the usual fluctuations. (I am a daily weigher. I always will be. Judge if you want.) But yesterday I wore some pants that seemed to be a little more snug than I'd like. And then I put on another pair, which fit, but didn't hang the way I'd like them to. And I started to be unhappy and frustrated with my body.
I have always been unhappy with my body. I have suffered from a variety of eating disorders. (You can read about that here.) But last year I lost a good 25 pounds. And then put it back on. And now I've lost it again. Needless to say, I'm psyched.

Top row: L, August 2012;  R, June 2012
Bottom row: : July 2012, R January 2013
Weight: between 170 and 185
(the bottom right really, really hurts...)

But here's the problem. I have completely fallen off the exercise train. And I can provide you with the laundry list of excuses. But excuses are bullshit.
I do like to exercise. But lately it seems that hanging at home in the afternoons is much more appealing than putting on my sneakers.
Last time I lost weight, I did it with pretty regular exercise and clean eating. I would get up in the morning. But I find that with an increased load at work, sleep and quality time at home have become even more important. And I just can't handle getting up at 4:30 AM.
I have the food pretty much under control. Sure, I could tighten things up (which I'm trying to do), but I am never going to obsess about macros. No interest, no time. So I don't have major worries with respect to my nutrition. (I drink anywhere between 60-100 oz of water a day, too, and I get mad at myself if it's less than 72 oz.) But I need to step up my game overall if I'm going to be happier.
So, Fitfam, I'm asking for your help. Your strategies. Your advice. I think I'm setting the bar too high. I want to get more into lifting, but I can't kick that cardio mentality. I have weights at home. I have an indoor bike trainer. I have a treadmill. I have great DVDs. But nothing is being used right now. I have started Jamie Eason's Live Fit program about four times. And I want to turn this around before I start to hate myself...I'm done hating myself.
I want this:

September 2013
Weight: 150

to be my during and not my after.


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